Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
