Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
