They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
