Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
