How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
