i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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