Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
