it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
