Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
