oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
