I heard we made out
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
This girl is more easily done than said...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
