Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
