Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
