Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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