First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
