She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
