Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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