I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
