nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You're so nebulous sometimes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
