I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
