dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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