but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You are a genius and a whore.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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