Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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