I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
