Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
