If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
