Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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