My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
