we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We are two peas in an std pod
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
