Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
