my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
