after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
