This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
