So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
