You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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