So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh god it's open bar.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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