is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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