Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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