I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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