were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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