Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
as a side note pls kill me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
