You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I fill condoms, not promises.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
