Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
