His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
