hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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