I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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