I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
