she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
