I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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