I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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