I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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