So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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