Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
