dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
