How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
