When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
