Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
