i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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