I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
