So drunk its hurt
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
