1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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