big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
