we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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