honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
