I'm lost and stupid without you.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im holly from the hills drunk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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