You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
