The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
