I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
