just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
