Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
