i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
