I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
