YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
