just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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